Lindsey Tries: Grocery Shopping

The following originally appeared in University of Wisconsin - Stout's student newspaper, Stoutonia. 

["Lindsey Tries” documents the misadventures of a 22-year-old transfer student who spends too much time thinking about food.]

I love grocery shopping. Or, more correctly, I love looking at rows and rows of food. I love walking around carefully selecting items that strike my fancy. I love seeing what new, limited-edition items have been released. I love everything about it.

Last week, I had managed to squeeze every last goop out of my toothpaste tube. I have incredible wringing and twisting skills, so to the average person this would be pretty incredible. Yes, that’s a humble brag.

I always make a list of things I need before grocery shopping to make sure I don’t forget anything, so I added “toothpaste” to my list, stuck the sticky note in my pocket, and headed off to the store. The entire list only had four things on it, so you would think that I could leave the list behind, but I forget everything if it’s not written down—and with toothpaste being such a necessary item, I had to play it safe.

Once I walked in, I headed towards the toothpaste aisle, and spotted a display rack of giant bread loaves marked $1. “What a deal!” I thought.

I couldn’t believe more people weren’t taking advantage. I debated swapping out my shopping basket for a cart when the weird looks from people deterred me enough to turn away after deciding on two loaves.

I then started craving cookies. They weren’t on my list either, but almond milk was, and the cookie aisle was basically on the way. I couldn’t decide between my three top choices of cookies, so I dropped them in my basket, while my spaghetti arms used every last bit of strength to hold up the basket rather than drag it on the ground.

After grabbing three items on my list—juice boxes, almond milk, and PopTarts—I realized I had lost my sticky note! I racked my brain, trying to remember what the last item was. I tried and tried, but I just couldn’t remember what it was. I decided to check out, thinking that whatever it was couldn’t be that important—I mean, if it was, surely I’d remember it.

Well, I was wrong, because that night while getting ready for bed, I finally remembered what the last item on my list was: toothpaste.